The Mind of an Ultramarathoner - My Training for the Canyons 100K (Part 3)

Part 3 - The Training - “The Juicy Stuff”

Adductor Side Planking, one of many RUNCON exercises that are ultra-runner specific.

As I begin writing this third part of the ‘Mind of an Ultramarathoner’ series, I am coincidentally doing so on the weekend of my favorite local race, the Sulphur Springs Trail Race, which I decided to not run this year because of other commitments, as well as strategic race season scheduling. I definitely have a lot of fomo, especially since they became an official qualifying race for the Western States 100 miler, one of the most coveted ultra races in the world. This is a big deal for a small local race in the flatlands of Ontario, because it will bring more recognition to the sport in this part of the country. It will also incentivize more participation and grow the sport. All of this helps create context around a training journey, and adds another layer to one’s motivation and commitment. 

Planning my year. Envisioning the future. Setting goals, intentions, and directions according to destination points.

The first part of training that people largely overlook is studying the course. By studying the course, you mitigate uncertainties, tactfully organize logistics, manage expectations and that of your team, and more confidently formulate a strategic plan of action. This allows you to know what to physically train for specifically, purchase the proper equipment to endure the race terrain, and rehearse a fueling strategy critical for race day success. The reason why I have never DNF’d (Did Not Finish) a race, or incurred any severe injury, or continue to progress my abilities in the sport is highly due to the skill of preparedness. I admit that sometimes I like to get a general / casual overview of the course, as opposed to a microscopic study of the course. This allows me to experience the surroundings with a brand new, unbiased nature, implementing the philosophy of ‘beginner’s mind’. But that comes from knowing your intentions with that particular race, and how it integrates with the rest of your race season. I digress.

As you can see at the bottom of this photo, the topography is a net elevation down hill. At first, sounds great right, super fast and free speed! Well, yes, kinda, but brutal tough on the quads! Had me sore for an entire week afterwards.

The second part of training is periodization, mapping your training schedule over a time horizon. Probably the most ‘heady’ part of training. This training mapping manages your focal points, direction, benchmarks, milestones, sequencing of day to day workouts, proportions of volume, frequency, intensity, rest periods, injury management, strength training, skill building, etc. Think of it as following a cooking recipe for your favorite dish. If you mistime when to add in an ingredient, or set the wrong temperature, or forget to include an ingredient, the end result of the dish is largely compromised. 

There are 3 main approaches to periodization in ultramarathon training: linear (classic), block, and hybrid. The linear, most common and recommended for beginners and intermediates, is broken into 3 phases: preparation (base), competition (peak), and transition (recovery). The block, most common for advanced, is broken into 4 months, alternating from one month accumulation (of a particular skill) and the following month of restitution (recovery from that skill and an introduction of another skill). Skills can include pacing, VO2 max, lactate threshold, fueling, temperature adaptation, inclination, altitude, footwork, impact and ground reaction forces, gait mechanics, core strength, injury management, cross training, etc. The hybrid, most common for intermediates, is a combination of linear and block where a block of 4 months can be broken into monthly linears. Weeks are further broken into ‘loading’ and ‘deloading’. So for example, one month of a hybrid program consists of 4 weeks; week 1 to 3 consist of progressively ‘loading’ (intensifying) workouts and mileage, then week 4 is a ‘deloading’ recovery week. Each month also links from one to another with the 3 phases (base, peak, recovery) of linear periodization in mind. Of the three styles of periodization, I find myself switching depending on my intention for the race. If I plan on finishing fast and pushing new boundaries, I will outline a hybrid plan. To me, this requires more engagement and week to week assignments. If I plan on simply completing a race and keeping my competitiveness in balance, I will take on a linear approach to periodization. This is what I did for my most recent Canyons 100k race. 

This is a sample schematic of a periodization plan from my Ultra Coaching certifying body UESCA, which gives you an idea of how to map out a training program.

I started in the middle of December, 4.5 months out from the race at the end of April. I decided I wanted to hit 3 milestones during my training timeline, which I call peaks. My training peaks acted as mini milestones. Milestones translate into confidence anchors, especially coming into a new season, and a brand new course, which I decided to not meticulously study. My 3 milestone peaks included a 65km continuous trail run effort in early March, a back to back two marathons in one weekend in late March, and a mid April technical mountain race. These offered me 3 benefits: mental fortitude, physical preparedness, and a more refined ‘longevity-based’ game plan. 

What helped me achieve my 3 milestone peaks brings us to the third part of training, which is physical training. I am the biggest proponent of ‘cross-functional’ fitness training for runners as I believe fitness is the most important factor, mentally and physically, for Ultra success. I divided my training into three equally important categories: 

1. Run-specific strength training in the gym (which I call ‘Runcon’, also the name of the program I created which uses free weights, resistance bands, and the cable machine): Runcon focuses on training movement patterns and myofascial sling system strength (body-wide coordinated strength), rather than body parts in isolation. The intention is injury prevention work (prehab) and compound exercises for core-integrated training. 

2. Cross-training: crossfit style gym conditioning consisted of circuiting through various aerobic machines (rower, skierg, versa climber, etc.) and high-intensity task-based drills (Medicine Ball Tosses, Kettlebell swings, Sled push, etc.), and playing sports (soccer, basketball, tennis). 

3. Active recovery: a very robust regimen of mobility and flexibility, Yoga, swimming, sauna, ice baths, chiropractic, physiotherapy, massage, cupping, and kinesiotherapy. This category is where my longevity-based mindset really flourished, and helped me realize I still have yet to peak in this sport, being in my mid thirties. 

Contrast therapy was one of my go-to active recovery activities pre and post workouts. It became a part of my routine, an integral part of my lifestyle as an Ultramarathon runner, especially since it helps train the mind as well as recover the body.

When I look back at my results and compare my training, the 4th factor that could have impacted my finishing time was run workout specificity. The Canyons course had a heavy dose of continuous downhill which really got to me. In hindsight, I wish I had put in more running workout time on continuous hills, but the reality is that I live in Toronto, and to train on mountains regularly wasn’t available. These are the small but big things you have to accept, live with, and do the best with what you have.

Returning back to periodization talk, I have yet to intentionally implement a block periodization but for my next race, I have actually started down this path. This summer I plan on running my first Spartan obstacle course race in August, so with a 2.5 month lead up, beginning in June, I will focus on shorter and more intense workouts that include strength and power in circuit style. I will then move into inclination run training and cross training. Then finally during the last few weeks leading up, I will work on specificity of Spartan style obstacle training. This will give me a great base for another 100k race in the fall season.        

I hope you enjoyed reading the juicy stuff. Every race has a different training approach to it, but as I get more races under my belt, this process refines and the outcomes of it become more predictable. There are many other factors that determine one’s ability to adhere to and implement training protocols like I’ve mentioned above, which is why my approach is not advised for another runner. Every runner needs their own customized approach, which is why having a coach is integral. But that’s not to say you can’t ideate from my programming! 

The finish line never felt so good.

Next chapter in this series is The Race, where I share the logistical prep for a destination based race, getting in the zone during tapering, the day before, the actual race, and mental highs and lows, and the result. Thanks for reading and looking forward to sharing the next part.

The Mind of an Ultramarathoner - Goal Setting (Part 2)

PART 2 - GOAL SETTING
’Predicting the Future’

In racing, we always set 3 goals, Goal A, B, C. This helps us prioritize our focus during training. Our Goals can be general for the year or most often specific for an upcoming race. In this Part 2, I share my general running goals for the year to give you a broader perspective, then in Part 3, I share my race goals for my most recent 100k. 

My 2024 Goal A is to gain international racing experience, burst out of my bubble of the Ontario racing series, and see how I would compete on the world stage. By gaining international experience and partaking in the UTMB world series of races, upon successful completion of races, I gain points based on ranking as well, I would then be able to qualify for the mecca race, the Boston Marathon equivalent, The ‘UTMB 100-mile’ in Chamonix, France. The UTMB (Ultra Tour de Mont Blanc) is a race organizing company that specializes in putting on Ultramarathons around the world. I hope to race in 3 ultramarathons this year, 100k Canyons, which I’ve completed this past April! Woohoo! Another race in the summer, perhaps a 50k or 50-mile, and finally another 100k in the Fall. Once I complete these races, I’ll have enough points to enter me into the Ultra runner’s dream race, the UTMB 100-mile in 2025. So the mission is to get these races under my belt by staying healthy and keeping my mind focused. 

My 2024 Goal B is to establish myself as one of the top Canadian Asian Ultramarathon Racers and start down the path of becoming the top Ultramarathon Coach in Toronto. Some would argue that I’ve already established myself as a top Canadian Asian Ultramarathon Racer, considering the successful history of wins under my belt. But for those that are in the Ultra world, it’s a big ocean, we know there’s a lot more competition and credibility to gain on a larger stage, than just winning a bunch of flat land Ontario races and calling it a day. Maybe I’m hard on myself, but because I don’t have a coach, I have to be tough on myself in a nudging-reality-check kind of way, one that’ll push my perceived limits, and push me to reach my fullest potential. There’s no way to measure this Goal B, but with my Goal A, I will have competed in world renown races, which will add to my portfolio of experience. Expertise and knowledge are very necessary as a coach, but to many runners, experience through the achievement of accolades in the sport is deemed mandatory. So with the recent completion of the UESCA Ultra Coaching certification, my expertise is there, now onto the ‘walk the talk’ path of achieving accolades.  

My Goal C is to see this Ultramarathon passion through to the end of 2024. See what this level of dedication and focus brings me as I’ve never picked one thing and made it my thing to this depth. To prioritize one thing, one sport, one objective, which shapes my career trajectory, my brand as a coach and consultant, and my lifestyle, is difficult as a multi-talented person. There’s a bit of an identity struggle in that. “Be a meaningulf specialist, not a wandering generalist” is a quote I have on my wall from 2023. “The riches are in the niches” is another saying I’ve adopted from financially savvy friends. The reason for the inner struggle is typecasting, pigeon holing, and narrowing my options. If you’re a generalist and you have a range of skills that don’t apply to one job or career, but instead many, you know what I’m struggling with. The only way out of this predicament is through. By committing to this Ultramarathon journey, it will help me further understand my current disposition as a generalist. By flipping my mindset from what I have to lose to what I have to gain is key. Maybe as I shift into becoming a specialist, I’ll have learned that this may better reflect who I am becoming. Just like how I started as a Batman lover and Joker hater, but now that I’ve experienced a lot of life, I sometimes identify with the Joker (not in the killing of people for fun, but in how he lives free, and explores free will, as opposed to Batman, caged by his morals and duty). I digress. 

As you can tell, I’m in a reflective phase right now, and writing this article is very helpful, almost therapeutic; a process I’d recommend to any milestone-chaser, change-maker, and high achiever. So if you’re reading this, thank you, thank you for being my muse of an audience. With the template of training and race learnings from my 2023 100-mile race win, my 2024 goals set, I’m moving through 2024’s race season with lots of momentum. Excited for this year to continue to unfold so wonderfully.

Also, I can’t not mention a cherry on top, which is becoming an On Ambassador for 2024. This nomination is an incredible reflection of alignment and perfect timing. The support has been generous and adds more wind to my wings.

Now let’s get into more juicy stuff, Part 3, where I share my training for the Canyons 100k World Major by UTMB, in Auburn, California. 

The Mind of an Ultramarathoner - Canyons 100k Race Reflections (Part 1)

PART 1 - PREFACE
’My 100-mile win in 2023 was just a stepping stone’ 

Change begins when you think about changing. But results from change only come from the commitment to training. And true training commitment begins only when you register for a race (the big gulp moment), the moment you begin to self-actualize. Here is part 1 of my race reflections. This part will provide a foundation of context and I hope this brings you inspiration on your upcoming endeavors. 

Last year (2023), I registered for my favorite local race called the Sulphur Springs 100-mile Trail Race knowing I was going to win it. It was my home race in that the course was an hour away, I’ve spent hundreds of hours on those trails, I had run the race’s numerous distance offerings already (50k, 50-mile, 100k), and could call myself a seasoned ultramarathon runner, if not a top competitor in the region. Though it had been 3 years since I had competed in an ultramarathon. 

I registered with a winning mindset not out of cockiness, but because I had no reason to doubt it. I had the opportunity to stack the cards in my favor. I had enough time to mentally and physically orchestrate a winning program. A healthy runway of work-life balance to implement it, and make constructive alterations along the way with little to no adverse effects. On top of that, the 3 years off gave me a refreshing competitive edge; a nothing to lose, nothing to prove, mindset. It’s like I was starting from scratch, like many others who took a break during the pandemic since there were no sanctioned races. Albeit, I did have a bit of imposter syndrome, moments of “do I still have it in me?”, but that quickly faded when I hit milestones and put up big numbers during training. Typically imposter syndrome corrects itself quickly with action. This drought of 3 years actually took the pressure off, and allowed me to run wild and free, which to me, is the most dangerous x-factor of an ultramarathon competitor.

Of course I made room for anomaly scenarios like a threatening injury on race day, GI-distress, unpredictable poor weather, or a Professional elite-level ultra-runner showing up randomly to crush and humble the locals. But my mind had already planned for an intense training program.

(Reminder, all of this context about my 2023 100-mile race, will contribute to my most recent 2024 100-km race).

Firstly, my physical training included a hyper focus on injury prevention by hiring a team of clinicians to support me; a Chiropractor, Physiotherapist, and Massage Therapist. I upheld a daily regimen of mobility and myofascial self-massage and became known as the mobility guy at my workplaces. I switched all of my physical fitness training to advanced but experimental biomechanical run-specific training, no more aesthetic weightlifting, no more sports that could be a liability (team sports or contact sports). I joined a Contrast Therapy (Sauna and Ice Bath) studio to access the facilities regularly, which upgraded my breathwork knowledge, and increased the frequency of my healing protocol. 

My mental training was in full swing when I audited my outdated fueling strategy and overhauled my game-day plan by registering for an Ultramarathon Coaching Certification by UESCA (United Endurance Sports Coaching Academy). I learned more Ultra-Running strategies and training specifics from this course, as if I had hired a team of run coaches to bootcamp my knowledge base. I devoted myself to an earlier start to training by beginning in the harsher conditions of winter, which helped me adapt to adversity scenarios much sooner, translating to increased mental toughness over the entirety of this journey.

Lastly, I realized I had reawakened a deeply competitive spirit within me that was in hibernation during the pandemic. My awakening came from closure. I had finally internalized many lessons learned from my 2-year sabbatical to and from Costa Rica. By moving on mentally and emotionally from a headspace submerged in uncertainty, the opportunity to reignite my role and identity from a place of certainty brought me deep clarity and enthusiasm. That paved the way to the principle of ‘beginning with the end in mind’. My state of certainty sparked my competitive spirit, which illuminated the path to win.  

By using the hybrid identity of Pura Vida Julian, one that’s of purity and earthliness, and Get-Shit-Done City Julian, one that’s … well … a go-getter A-type, manifesting generator, the odds felt stacked in my favor. The plan was set and all I had to do was show up. I followed through with a win, and came away with a program plan that became a recipe for success, one that I was able to use as a stepping stone for my most recent ultramarathon success at the 2024 UTMB Major - Canyons 100 km Ultramarathon, in Auburn, California. 

10 Wellness Activities for Modern A-Types

As a ‘Modern’ A-Type: you are a doer, manifesting-generator, busy body, and fully aware of your nature and know that you’re only as good as the QUALITY of your energy (not quantity). Hence why I’m always protective of it, and seek novel ways to recharge. Here are activities that have been surprisingly “productive” + balancing that I feel could help you too.

1. 10 minute Sunrise and/or Sunset Meditation
(sleep/wake cycle syncing and setting)

2. Cupping
(passive hands-free physical therapy)

3. Nature bathing mindfulness practice
(focus on isolating your 5 senses one at a time)

4. High nutrient dense Wraps & Kimchi
(efficient and gut healthy)

5. Supporting (other A-type) friends
(giving is receiving rule)

6. Taking care of your key belongings
(because without them, your life would be more annoying)

7. Surround yourself with other modern A-types who want to grow better together
(men’s groups really help me focus, tune up, and hone my energy)

8. Being a B-type (in disguise): follower vs leader, passenger seat, participACTION, knowing you could full on lead, but realize you can conserve your energy while deriving the benefits of the activity.

9. Do arts and crafts at night
(switch off work brain and switch on creative brain, avoids Netflix and zombie mode, better for brain health and sleep)

10. Quality Time with people in another generation
(nephew time has been extremely refreshing and energizing)

Cuteness overload!

Hope these high performance wellness activities spark ways in which you can still be your high achieving self while not burning out! The modern way of the A-Type is evolving into quality before quantity energy expenditure, in all aspects of life, not just work.

Within 6 weeks, I was able to BQ!

I came into this fall season as a slow Ultra runner, but with a few powerful tweaks to my training, I was able to polish off the season with a Boston Qualifying time of 3:01. How’d I do it in just 6 weeks? It starts with a rule from the book Atomic Habits by James Clear.

James Clear highlights a game changing rule; the 1% rule of marginal gains to improve performance over time. This strategy is all about the accumulation of small wins as a base foundation for consistent big wins down the road. By tweaking atomic sized habits that we commonly overlook, we can use them as small win opportunities to create confidence momentum, not only in pursuits like long distance running, but in every aspect of our lives.

The rule comes from the story of the struggling 2003 British Cycling team, where a newly hired coach decided to improve every tiny thing by 1%. After 5 years of overhauling, re-learning, and repair work on the team’s systems and processes, by breaking things down to then rebuild it’s hundreds of parts by 1% improvements, this British cycling team became the winningest team in the sport’s history over a 10 year span!

I took this rule and other tips from Atomic Habits to re-craft my run training strategy. I tweaked small things, focused on improving weaknesses, and committed to a system of good habits. Here they are categorized into physical, mental, and emotional.

PHYSICAL HABITS

Active Recovery is an area of training that increases training quality better than anything else. So I put more time and energy on recovery than actual running. I realized showing up to my training fully recovered and energized empowered me to hit my numbers with ease. The following three 1% habits made me a healthier (and therefore faster) runner.

1 - I started doing 15 minutes of Run-Specific Mobility every day (1% = 14.4 minutes out of 1440 minutes in a day)

2 - I added two weekly contrast Hot-Cold Therapy with Sauna and Ice Bath sessions the day after training to help with inflammation (~1% = 2 x 60 minute sessions, 120 minutes out of 10,080 minutes in a week)

3 - I Epsom Salt bathed and Self-Massaged twice a week for muscle recovery and relaxation (~1% = 2 x 60 minute sessions, 120 minutes out of 10,080 minutes in a week)

This focus on Active Recovery is akin to sharpening the axe. It is a performance multiplier. “Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.” Truly a quality over quantity strategy that has stuck and poured over into other parts of my life.

MENTAL HABITS

Being organized and specific with training benchmarks elicit focus and informed action.

1 - Instead of setting weekly mileage goals on my Strava app, I set weekly duration goals at race pace 4:00–4:30 min/km during all of my runs. This helped my body quickly adapt to the specific cadence, ground impact, and heart rate required to hit a fast marathon finish.

2 - My goal setting strategy was about subdividing my goals into Goal A, B, and C to maintain a balance of rigidity and fluidity, rigid with what they were, but fluid with which one I’d use on race day: A — Sub 3:00, B — Sub 3:05 (BQ), C — No time, just run intuitively.

3 - During my (stress-inducing) ice baths, I practiced Mental Imagery simulations of the more difficult segments of the race (the beaches turnaround, the bridge climbs, and the last 2k finish). My reasoning was to mimic higher stress at these segments so that my nervous system was prepared, and my self-talk was rehearsed. (*It’s been reported that 70–90% of Olympians use Mental Imagery for performance).

EMOTIONAL HABITS

As simple as it can be, I chose three quotes to cultivate emotional momentum. I used these as my ‘North Star’; my guiding light throughout the cultivation of my ecosystem of habits.

1. “It’s not what you’re doing, it’s how much of you is doing it.”
Commitment is the name of the game. From prep, to program, to performance, no half-assing, I chose to commit full on. You get out what you put in. And I wasn’t afraid to put in everything.

2. “Have more fear of regret than failure.”
If I didn’t get the result I was hoping for, I could easily make excuses. But that attitude doesn’t suit the person I wish to become. I’m at the phase of my life where I believe that taking ownership over my actions and results leads to an honest and virtuous life. Whatever happens was meant to happen, live with it and move on.

3. “If you’re given 4 hours to chop down a tree, take the first 3 hours to sharpen the axe.”
Preparation is everything. This principle of life has served me well. By expanding preparation to more than just the physical tasks of marathon prep, my life has become so much more holistic and fulfilling.

Although my highly focused 6-week ascent in speed translated to a great result, it doesn’t always happen this way. This is not a recipe or prescription for success, it was my recipe that worked for that day. I encourage you to experiment with the rule of 1%, and create a system of habits that resonate with you and your other ongoings. Once these little tweaks align seamlessly with your lifestyle pace, you’ll be well on your way to success, all it’ll take then is probably the most essential ingredients; time and patience.

I will be taking this result as momentum for 2024. I am planning on racing UTMB qualifiers so that I can run UTMB in 2025. I hope this article has given you some insight into my process and sparked a shift in yours. Thank you for reading.

May the force be with you,
Namaste,

Julian

A poem about PERSPECTIVE - Julian Poetry from a trip to Nova Scotia

Soaking up the sweet seaside breeze, the warm solar energy, and the breathtaking views of Cape Split, Nova Scotia, and the Bay of Fundy

This short poem came to me on a recent flight out to Nova Scotia, a province in Canada that I’ve always wanted to visit. It has come at a time of my life where many of my cups are full. Catalyzed by a strong contrasting dose of work work work in Toronto to nature bathing and decompression in Nova Scotia.

My work is very steady and financially progressing. I am mentally and emotionally very balanced. I notice that I mention work first since it is and has always been my priority, something that I sense may change in the near future. I am at high level of fitness without injury. I am in touch with my family weekly and checking in more than just once a week. My trip to Nova Scotia is to visit my friend and spend quality time with him and his family. And my romantic relationship of a year and a few days is wholesome and full of youthful love and adventure.

These poems reflect my rhythmic and rhyming nature to understand the dualities and polarities of my life. So while my cup is full on many aspects, there’s a part of me that is curious and questions this time, not my own perspective, but those around me and their perspective on fulfillment. I’m keen to know whether my fullness is taking away from another’s? Is how I’m taking up space reducing someone else’s? These doubts don’t last for long, they just come with an empathetic lens of consideration.

I also write this poem with the hand of a coach to many, one that conducts and orchestrates the fitness, health and wellbeing of others that depend on my guidance. I enjoy using this as a muse, a stance from which to create and cultivate teachings. So for what it’s worth, take this poem as a nudge from me, your philosopher coach, someone who’s looking out for the growth of your conscious awareness.

Untitled by Julian

Cup half empty or half full
Am I being pushed or pulled
Closer or further away
To a state of growth or decay?
The unknown is where I’d rather stay.
Comforted that the cup is refillable either way.

Perspective most profoundly changes
Through dark seasons and bright stages
Through sad laughters and happy cries
Just answering why’s won’t make us wise.
It’s a matter of when that we will arise
And truly see through each other’s eyes.

Winning the 100 - Part 1: The Post Race Blues

LIFE AFTER (winning) A 100-MILE ULTRAMARATHON RACE (for the 2nd time)

After a week of body rest and recovery, my mind still can’t rest. Restless ‘should’ing’ thoughts have slowly started to flood my mind, like “why am I not as happy as I was the last time I won? I should be loving life, basking in the glory of two wins!?!”. Obsessive and addictive ‘what’s next?’ suggestions keep nagging at me, “maybe 200 miles? Back to Ironman triathlon training? Register again and make it a 3-peat win!” Don’t get me wrong, winning a race for the second time is a huge feat and something I am very proud of, but at the moment, it is being overcasted by mind-traps, expectations, and overthinking. 

As much as this sounds like an ironic pity party, post-race blues are not so uncommon. I wanted to transparently share the reality of this unique outcome, told without bias and sugar-coating. By articulating the rumination of my mind and emotions, I hope to make this ultramarathon experience more understandable, more humane, and more real. A win is not just champagne celebrations, and “We are the Champions” playing in the background 24/7, well, maybe for that 10 seconds after crossing the finish line. The brightness of a win comes from having to dig into the darker corners of the soul, and face the inevitable fading of that light. Part of the bigger picture of this endeavor was to raise mental health awareness. So here is the behind the scenes, inside-look into the mind and heart of an Ultramarathoner, after the winning celebrations have faded away. 

The post-race blues is a phenomenon that occurs after accomplishing an all-consuming, long-term endeavor. It can be experienced after a win or a loss, and from an activity beyond running such as a graduation, a project launch, a big show, or even a long trip. It occurs because of the depletion of endorphins, and other brain chemicals that were used up during the life-changing endeavor. After an Ultramarathon, not only does my body require physiological repair from microtraumas in muscles and joints, so does my mind from such an emotionally exhaustive adventure that was 6-months in the making. 

What’s peculiar about this time is that it’s not my first time; I’ve won this same race, felt these same feelings, thought these same thoughts, 5 years ago, in 2018. I’ve done the research and self-inquiry to understand how to mitigate the effects of post-race blues: 

1. Don’t plan your next race, plan your recovery > spa, massage, mobility, yoga 

2. Write out your thoughts and feelings > blogging, journaling, IG posting

3. Use art and music to express yourself > piano, paint, cook

4. Play different sports or physical activities > swim, qigong, rock climb, martial arts 

5. Spend quality time with friends and self > coffee catch ups, art gallery, camping  

Probably the most important thing before all of the above is to intentionally make time in the calendar. Many times I’ve just jumped back into a busy work schedule, using work as a means to get back to routine, and distract me from feeling all the feels, thinking all the thoughts. What experience has taught me is that carving out time in the calendar to welcome the post-race blues with open arms, rather than let it creep into life unexpectedly, pays off in the short term recovery, but also pays it forward to my future self and the love and respect I have for the sport. 

Winning a race like this is a combination of strategy, self-knowing, work ethic, and lots of luck (I’ll write more about this in Part 2). There are some runners who play the odds, register for many races, and are okay to DNF (Did Not Finish) some races, while completing others. These runners aren’t in it for the competition, they’re in it for the culture, they connect and build the community, and are advocates of the sport. One of my past training buddies was one of these dedicated guys who put in his personal time to “crew” (support) other runners, volunteer at races, and train with all levels of runners. I highly respect these purest Ultrarunners because if it weren’t for them, Ultrarunning wouldn’t be the rising sport that it’s becoming.

And then there are other runners who pick one peak race a year and laser focus all of their energy on this single event, that’s me. I am meticulous, methodical, and mindful with every strategic move. Yes I am competitive, hardwired this way since birth being a twin and all, but I’ve also learned over time that this is how I get the job done most effectively. Runners like this are not afraid to go big or go home, put all their eggs in one basket, and most often end up committing more of themselves than they have to give. To me, it’s like method acting. I have to fully immerse myself into the role, because being an Ultrarunner, unlike my training buddy, doesn’t come naturally to me. Truthfully, I don’t see myself as Julian the Ultrarunner, I am Julian, who happens to be really good at running Ultramarathons. 

To my dismay, I believe a byproduct of this laser focus approach is the post race blues. Just like a method actor may feel after the film is done, the role they’ve been transformed into will take time to switch off. So in the interim, there’s a limbo phase of uncertainty, identity confusion, and blurriness. The high and low of a win makes this process that much more challenging and mercurial. You don’t know where it’s going to take you. One day, sponsors are knocking on your door, and everyone is singing your praises, and another day, it feels like nothing really ever happened. 

To get over this post-race blues hump, I need to better manage my expectations, and to do so, I must stop having expectations, and just go with the flow. For example, not expecting admiration and praise makes a random congratulations from a friend that much more special. It is in the act of letting go of expectations and the entire Ultramarathon experience, from months of holding on so tightly, that will bring peace to my mind. 

As I recall from the race, at the end of the third marathon (120 kilometres), about to begin the fourth and final marathon of the 160 kilometre total, my mind was struggling to perform what the race was demanding. I needed something, anything, to flip my mindset and keep me going. With my head down, struggling to put one foot in front of the other, looking and feeling defeated, I crossed paths with an elderly runner (a common sight in Ultra-races). With his head down, hobbling away, looking defeated too, we locked eyes, nodded with a weakened smile, and out of nowhere, after passing, I blurted out one of the most cliche words one can utter to a fellow racer, “the only way out is …”, and I kid you not, he finished the phrase by yelling back “through!” 

That timely Yoda wisdom we both needed so badly, came from both of us. I ended up using this moment to help me finish stronger on the following seventh and eighth laps to my 2nd official win of the Sulphur Springs 100-mile Trail Race. 

So a week and a half out from the race, I admit that I am still struggling to just go with the flow, let go of expectations, and move on from the Ultramarathon experience (ps. even though I am energetic and happy-go-lucky, don’t be mistaken, post-race blues presents differently from runner to runner). I am doing the post-race blues recovery protocol, but am getting a bit impatient, just like I felt at the start of the fourth and final marathon of the race. 

But from the race, like all of my races, I’ve gathered some critical life lessons. And so it is the exchange moment with the elder runner, the Yoda wisdom we both came to synergize. So as it got me to the end of the race, the only way out of these post-race blues is _____  ;) 

Thank you for reading Part 1 of this Ultramarathon Reflection series. Part 2 will be about the ratio of preparation versus talent versus luck required to win one of these races. Stay tuned! 

A poem about LOVE LOSS - Julian Poetry 005

Love Hurts & Heals

No worries, this was not from an attack from an old flame, haha, it was me after a near drowning and bike accident combo; a spanking wake up call from the universe to slow the f*ck down. I received this message last year in Costa Rica, operating at a mile a minute pace while in the mecca of pura vida (pure/slow life) place. A reminder photo that passionate dedication and spirited drive balances best with mindfulness calm and a no-expectations, go with the flow attitude. Instead, I had brought the baggage of my corporate ingrained, opportunistic ways, one that’s used to forcing square pegs into round holes to get the job done. By not adapting to my surroundings, and letting my ego get ahead of me, I had paid the price of ignorance. These experiences, among many others, mirror my love story with Costa Rica, they have been life-changing learnings that I am now re-constructing from. This poem is about a relationship I had in Costa Rica, that reflects the results of the above ignorance, of love loss and hurt, but thereafter, the healing and hope that a growth mindset can provide.

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

A love that haunts

A lust that flaunts 

A loss that taunts

My heart still wants.

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹
A pretend nonchalance

A perplexed response

A forced Renaissance.

 ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

They told me to forget 

But I’m not ready yet.

They told me to date

Something’s telling me to wait.

They told me to call

But I’m running into a wall

They told me to move on

You’ve already longed 

You’ve already mourned 

A love scorned.

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

I don’t know what to say

To make it all okay

I feel I’ve done enough

Still lost in the rough.

They told me to give it time 

Because later you’ll find

The work you’ve done to heal

Will prepare you for the real deal.

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

That “love at first sight”

Those electric nights

Those constructive fights

That turn dark into bright

Will feel heavy and light.

Balance loose and tight

Ready to take flight

It’ll just feel right.

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

Is it redemption or resentment

A false comfort or contentment?

The unknowns we’re learning,

Certainty we’re yearning.

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

Is it growth or decay

To domestic or stray?

Be wild and free

Let fade by flee

From we to me

Glum from glee

Gone is she

Grateful is he

What will be will be

Just wait and see.

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

Together or apart

The end or the start

A path of loneliness

A wanted separateness

A needed selfishness

For needed selflessness 

For wanted togetherness.

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

Who knows the conclusion

Of this fusion

Just have to wait

It’s never too late

For your future mate

Just believe in fate.

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

A poem about RESILIENCE - Julian Poetry 004

YOU GOT THIS

Back in action and in full swing, I’ve shifted from transition to transmission. Transitioning from post trip blues to transmitting support, wisdom, and drive to my clientele. Using my learnings and life lessons from previous months, and sharing via my outlets of group fitness coaching, personal training, Thai Massage, and content creating. Currently enjoying my transmission phase and feeling the switch into transcending, which means new directions and commitments to my personal and professional development.

These are words of motivation and inspiration for anyone and everyone that won’t admit they need it, but most definitely want it. I hope this poem boosts your pace and adds tailwind to your wings on your soar towards your goals and commitments. You got this!

👊 🙌 👍

Good preparation needs no luck

Practice smart, train hard as f*ck

Those moments in the muck

Will definitely suck,

But a resilience you’ll construct.

👊 🙌 👍

It’s mind over matter

To quiet the chatter 

To not think faster.

To prevent disaster

Remember love and laughter,

Wisdom of zen master

From whom you’ll take after.

👊 🙌 👍

Climb high and dig deep

More reward when it’s steep

When you take the leap

Profound learnings you’ll reap

Life lessons you’ll keep.

👊 🙌 👍

Excuses you’ll dismiss

No room for quits 

Time to take the hits

It’s worth the bliss 

Believe me, you got this. 

👊 🙌 👍

A poem about Nature's Wisdom - Julian Poetry 003

Nature’s Healing

A healthy brother’s camping trip at Bon Echo Park in Ontario. We canoed, trail ran, swam, and spent quality time together in nature, a powerful combo to ground, center, and align.

“We’re fascinated by words, but where we meet is in the silence behind them.” - Ram Dass

Silence beholds our inner & outer truth. And nature provides us the soundtrack to a spiritual silence like none other. This poem can sum up my recent awakening as a nature lover, one that craves being with plants and animals, one that learns from his wildlife surroundings, and one that advocates for a better relationship with nature. Arriving at this healthful mind-body-spirit place starts with regularly immersing oneself with nature, just like one would with any hobby or skill acquisition. It’s an opportunity to ‘rewild’ oneself, untether to the commercial material world, and connect more deeply to the nature that nurtures our souls.

🌿🌎✨

Nature’s healing

Is in its revealing

Of our feelings.

🌿🌎✨

The peeling

Of our concealing,

stealings, and dealings.

🌿🌎✨

Our Truth seekings,

Sees Nature’s meanings,

From indigenous teachings,

And enchanted meetings.

🌿🌎✨

Only needing

An intervening

Of mindful breathing

An Ego yielding

Divine wielding

A self believing

An interbeing.

🌿🌎✨

A poem for MOTIVATION - Julian Poetry 001

Don’t Wait for Someday

Here I am solo trekking through White Sands National Park in New Mexico, USA. I encountered an enchanting couple from Europe midway through the trek. They asked for my email to keep in touch, and a month later, I received a dozen breathtaking photos that they took of me. I was speechless from these breathtaking photos and the gesture.

This poem is for those moments of indecision, uncertainty, and lulls in motivation. My career is all about finding those sparks, seeing obstacles as opportunities, and believing in others when they don’t themselves. I read this to myself at times because I too don’t always have that spark. Even though I penned this poem, and the other poems in this series, I feel as though they aren’t fully mine, they also belong to a lineage of curious spirits, and uplifting souls. I like to believe that I am a vessel of something grander.

✨👊✨

Make never a not yet,

But don’t let not yet become forget,

Don’t live a life of regret.

✨👊✨

Make hope your fate,

Give your wishes a set date,

Don’t think it’s too late.

✨👊✨

Make small changes and changes small,

No task is too tall,

Just don’t stall.

✨👊✨

Make one day your day one,

All in or some is better than none,

Don’t forget to have fun.

✨👊✨

In the end it’s up to you,

It’s all about the follow through,

Don’t overthink just do.

✨👊✨

A poem about GROWTH - Julian Poetry 002

To Grow your Glow

Spent an extra week visiting with family in NYC after a cool fitness video shoot in April this year. This photo is me at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens with Cherry blossoms in full bloom. A must visit in springtime.
After a separation, an epic RV journey, and a month of resettling/grounding in my family home, these words came to me while planning out my next phase of 2022. Hope they help illuminate your darker paths.

✨🙏✨

To raise your vibe, be with soul tribe.

To zen your health, explore your whole self.

To deeply understand, be one with the land. 

✨🙏✨

To feed your heart, commit to art. 

To flip your frown, learn from the down.

To fill your cup, just rest up.

✨🙏✨

To grow your glow, rise above the below.

To reap what you sow, follow through with flow.

To truly Know, love and let go.

✨🙏✨

Top 10 Takeaways from the book: 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck'

The quick ‘judge a book by it’s cover’ message can easily be misconstrued for the call to action to be more ignorant and indifferent. Wrong. What ‘not giving a fuck’ is all about is staring down life’s most terrifying and difficult challenges and still taking action. Here are 10 takeaways I wanted to share with you that I found valuable and immediately applicable to my life. Also, here are some of my favourite photos from my RV road trip across America that I haven’t shared on other social media platforms. These are specifically from the National Parks I visited … incredibly life-changing! Enjoy!
ps. If any of these resonate, please leave a comment!

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1

PUT YOU FIRST

Your life is not just comprised of a series of obligations to others. Being driven by avoiding inadequacy and proving yourself to others drowns you in judgement and lofty expectations.

2

GIVE MORE FUCKS ABOUT LESS

Maturity is discerning what’s truly important and letting go of what’s not.

3

CHOOSE FAILURE BEFORE SUCCESS

By accepting the negatives in life, you begin to truly understand the positives.
One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.

4

CARE LESS OFTEN

All the meaning of our life is shaped by this innate desire to never truly die. You have “two selves” - one that will die, your physical self, and one that will live on, your conceptual self. And it is the conceptual self that drives much of what we do. Realize that everything is impermanent and that letting go of attachments, entitlements, and frivolous ambitions, is one way of creating peace.

5

DON’T TRY SO HARD

“The backwards law' is the idea that the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place.

6

YOUR PAIN IS YOUR TOOL

Leverage it, use it, don’t deny it, be empowered by it. Pain serves a purpose. Our struggles determine our successes.

7

QUESTION YOUR EMOTIONS

Emotions are signposts, biological suggestions, not commandments. Negative emotions are a call to action. Positive emotions are rewards for taking the proper actions. Balance emotion with reasoning.

8

NOT GIVING A FUCK IS NOT A CALL TO BE INDIFFERENT

It’s not about giving up when things don’t go your way, it’s about accepting the loss and moving on quickly from them. Let go of the baggage that doesn’t belong to you.

9

REEVALUATE YOUR METRICS

Drivers of value change over time, what governs cause and effect change, so take the time and space to find the metrics of deeper meaning so that you can start measuring life’s successes and failures by what truly matters … time, health, love, joy, fulfillment, etc.

10

GET BETTER PROBLEMS

The game doesn’t get easier, you just get better. Welcome greater challenges.
It will only improve your ability to solve problems and the quality of your solutions.

Top 5 Learnings from my RV Trip Across America

When you dedicate a month to journey across the country in an RV without much of a plan other than to visit a few friends and some national parks along the way, you embark upon an adventure of exploration bound only by one’s creativity.

After 11730 Kilometers, 11 states, 8 national parks, over 27 days, here are 5 things I’ve learned and currently most resonate with from my trip. Who knows, these 5 could change a month from now, or a year from now, but they are helping me summate the learnings and takeaways at this moment of transition back home in Toronto, and will guide me through my integration process.

I hope in some way, that these personal reflections touch your heart, inspire your spirit, and head tilt your mind with curiosity and intrigue.

If you haven’t already, check out my play by play recount of my RV Trip via this Polarsteps Link

After summiting the Guadeloupe Mountain in Texas (the highest in the state) and visiting the Carlsbad Caverns, we decided to dry dock (no electrical or water hookup) in a BLM (Bureau of Land Management) free camp site in the middle of the desert. As arid, eerie, and lonely as it was, remote places like this were the far reaches of the planet I will never forget and continue seeking in my future travels. It brings solace, peace, and an interbeing with everything around you, a rare feeling I will cherish forever. (This is one of my favourite photos of the trip, taken by my co-pilot Jason, dear friend and uni roomate).

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1

Only when the eyes are closed is when you can truly see.

As ironic as this phrase is, it is in the moments of stillness and rest with eyes closed that I was able to see most clearly. Seeing the intangibles, the read-between-the lines of nature, and the deeper messages. The snowglobe analogy works well here: for example, when exploring and adventuring the breathtaking landscapes, the snowglobe is in full shake up mode; snowflakes raid the air and nothing is visible, but when still and in solitude, the snowglobe’s special features become clearly visible. And thus is life.

Takeaway: By taking the time to quiet down, close the eyes, and ground (and let the snowflakes settle), we give space to conceive the perceived, and integrate the learnings. This is how experience becomes wisdom.

2

Action isn’t just the effect of motivation; it’s also the cause of it.

To break out of a cycle of stuckness, trapped, or neverending, the key is to do something, ANYTHING! Any action beyond the norm is helpful, it’s a step in another direction, which is critical to constructive change.

My RV road trip across America was a counter to the long stay-put trip in Costa Rica. The Costa Rica plan to birth a second life hadn’t gone the way I intended, and put me in a place of limbo. I felt stuck, trying to make things work, but eventually conceded to things beyond my control. My heart was heavy, my morale was low, and I needed a new spark of motivation.

As I look back, it was both the mending of my heart and the bucket list mission that motivated me. One was cradling me out of pain, and the other was distracting me with another purpose. Every tear I cried, every meditation I sat through, every kilometer I ran, every state I drove across, brought me further away from the stuckness, and closer towards clarity.

Takeaway: action is fueled multi-directionally. We are motivated by the intrinsic and extrinsic, the past and the future, the chasing of the highs and being chased by the lows, and often, they interchange.

3

When any result is regarded as progress, we propel ourselves ahead.

Numerous times on the RV trip, I had to stop, take stock, re-evaluate, break, spend unnecessary money, shift course, back track, reset, argue, get mad, beat myself up, etc.

Moments like these are healthy and necessary. In the heat of the moments, they suck, but looking back, the perceived ‘failures’ were learning opportunities. The photo is of me climbing up a sand dune mountain, in torrential wind, feeling the summation of all of the above shittiness of ‘newbie to RV life’, and forcing myself to face it and keep climbing. I could have stopped and sledded down, but I purposely (glutton for punishment/enlightenment) wanted to further embody the uncomfortables of the trip thus far. This was my own meditation, my own practice in transmuting negative energy into productive/constructive self-growth.

Takeaway: The ability to shift attitude, perspective, and language from a failure into an opportunity is a skill, one that requires practice. I chose epic activities in nature (e.g. climbing and sledding the Great Sand Dunes National Park … way better than a gym) as one of my outlets/laboratories for growth and development.

4

The sweet ain’t as sweet without the sour.

Pictured here are Kent (friend from Costa Rica), his daughter Anna, and my buddy Jason, and doggy Mepe, getting ready to ascend and summit Bald Mountain near Breckenridge, Colorado.

Due to the unknown conditions of early mountainous springtime, we weren’t sure whether it was going to be warm or cold, windy or calm, easy or hard, and dry/muddy/or snowy terrain. We didn’t even know if the route would be visible. These unknowns made it hard to prep for, so while on the trek, the unknowns made the temperature drop extra challenging, the wind extra painful, the snow extra uncomfortable, the duration extra arduous, and the overall experience extra tough.

Most would mentally crumble under the uncertainty, but our group forged through with a get’ur’done attitude. I was super impressed by Anna, aged 16, and her stoicism, clearly passed down from Kent, and her humility in stopping and pausing at just the right moments, giving us competitive guys the reprieve from our egos.

This summit became my favourite conquest of the RV Trip. Not because I physically conquered the mountain, but because of all the mind games I mentally conquered throughout the journey.

Takeaway: The ups wouldn’t give you the high vibes without the lows. The light wouldn’t exist without the contrasting dark. The yin wouldn’t have purpose without the yang. The dualities of life help us navigate where we are on the path. They refine our inner compass so that future endeavors are empowered with that much more intelligence and wisdom.

5

True friendship is when people know everything about you but love you anyway.

Huge shout outs and gratitude go out to Monique and Ryan, friends from my Permaculture Design Certification course in Costa Rica 2021. They lent me their baby ‘Whitey’ the RV on a whim, with a random, short-timeframe request, with the trust built up from only 2-weeks of knowing each other at the course, more than a year ago! This goes to show you that counter to the title quote, even if friends don’t know much about you, they can feel you, and sense something about you that’s beyond explanation, and love you anyway. I think they’re just Jedi’s, and said to each other, ‘the force is strong with this one’, and went with it.

Big ups to my long time friends Jason and Natalie for accompanying me on the crazy epic journey across America. Jason joined me for the first leg of the trip from Florida to Colorado to Nevada, and Natalie joined on the way back from Texas to Florida. As close friends, it’s not unexpected for us to put it all out on the table and emo-vomit our troubles to each other. What was next level about it though was our ability to spill our guts and work together to accomplish the roadtrip mission. It was talk and action; where our words spoke loud, but our actions as teammates amplified our vulnerable words to each other in the most meaningful way.

Takeaway: I realized how deep, broad, multi-functional, and adaptable friendships can be with Monique, Ryan, Natalie, and Jason. That dimension of friendship wouldn’t have peaked through without a shared mission, and a shared dedication to truth, trust, and vulnerability.

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BONUS!

Jason and I created a shared Spotify playlist that houses our favourite songs from the trip. The songs that represented special moments, highlights, and brought to life our togetherness. If curious and intrigued with this crazy cool adventure, dive in a little deeper with our RV Trip Album by clicking the button below.

May 2022 Newsletter while RV'ing Across America!

In case you missed it!

CLICK THIS LINK for the full May newsletter recounting some deep learnings while midway through my RV Road trip across the United States of America. Not gonna lie, in this edition, I was much more vulnerable in my writings and dug deep to communicate the things I have learned and have been working on. Hope it stirs up some deeper thoughts within you my friend.

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11738 Kilometers. 27 days. 8 National Parks. 11 States.

Here’s a map of my travel spots. If you’d like a more intimate journey follow, click the button below for my Polarsteps travel log. It’s definitely a play by play vicarious experience!

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Topics of this newsletter include:

1. Vulnerable with Family is essential

2. Using Old Personas to fix new paradigms

3. Shoot first aim second

4. When you feel like the walls are caving in

5. Go fast, go alone. Go far, go together.

6. Commitment is the key.

7. Consistency is the lock.

8. Perspective is the door through everything.

9. Books I’m enjoying on the RV trip

Costa Rica Q1 2022 - Highlight Video

“A ship in harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are built for.”

2022 has been an uprooting year, the actualization of a new chapter, the opportunity to discover more of who I am under different lifestyle conditions, new surroundings, and new pace of work-life balance. A chance to leave the harbour and set sail for destinations unknown.

“If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.”

In 2020, the world shifted into a state of fear and uncertainty. I seized it as an opportunity to lean into my fears and the uncertainty I’ve thrived on for growth and development all throughout my life. 2021 was my sabbatical, my excuse to change it up, test the waters of the world beyond Toronto. A push beyond my comfort bubble of domesticated routine life, a life I adore and worked very hard to achieve, but alas, a life of controlled predictability. I needed a challenge to change, grow, and evolve beyond the me that I had once loved becoming. It was then that I knew I needed a new version of me to love becoming, a knowing that was there, but not quite ready for, until now.

“Travel far enough, you meet yourself.”

My unrelenting curiosity and compounding readiness have prepared me for a new life of exploration; more inward travel with the aid of outward travel. No responsibilities to micro-manage, no expectations to meet, no trajectory to fulfill, 2022 is of my own making, purely, freely, and as chaotically controlled as my dreams can derive.

My year started with 3 goals:
1. Learn from relationship
2. Learn construction skills to become a better handyman, home-builder, and utility-based human
3. Learn through travel: travels inward with new practices, medicines, modalities, and alternative experiences, and travels outward to new places, new perspectives, interacting with new philosophies to life.

“Cheers to who I was and to who I am yet to be”

As I reflect back on the first quarter of the year, I’ve definitely learned a heck of a lot in a short period of time. With many bumps, bruises, heartaches, and ego deaths, some would say enough for a lifetime, but the quest continues as my thirst for adventure has yet to be quenched.

I hope you enjoy my highlight video of the first quarter of my year. My intention with this video is to inspire, showcase a life switch up, primarily for my future self to look back on, and of course for you, my friends and family.

“You’ll never be worth your word if your actions don’t follow.”

Wishing you wellness, goodness, and fulfillment in Q2 2022,

May the force be with you,

Julian

Watertop Reflections Poem

Watertop Reflections   

Looking out I see in

Thinking yang feeling yin

Travel far I draw near

Inward voyage I revere 

Companionship I’ve yearned

Space creates love I’ve learned 

Time erodes expectations 

Relationship miscalculations

Sunsets as tides rise

Letting go of truth and lies

Water fades as night falls

Peace and calm til day calls

Let her go to let her grow

Invitation to the flow

Let it be to let you see

How love needs to be free

Spending hours on the kayak

Snorkelling deep in the sea

Colours so bright no white and black

Craving this life for he and she.

Clouds fade from shade to shade

Life’s trials I would not trade

Sounds glisten from wave to wave

Lessons I’ll take from cradle to grave

Final call it’s time to rest

Sky walk the stars above the nest

Shine bright shine out those fears and doubts

Drink up drown out tune in zoom out.

Sonder Poem

Sonder. n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.

Our lives are not our own
Grown from sticks and stones
Clones of rhythm and rhyme
Time. Space with grace, elegant lace, lined with silver, encased
in gold, then sold over and over until it all unfolds.
Back to the future, unbreaking the mould, undoing the told that perpetuates our souls.
Cloaked in fear, we revere those that steer the ships that dock
but never flock, those that sail to no avail,
those that hear the tears, feel the smiles that travel miles,
for that day, that restless day, from away to stay, they lay,
lifeless, still, ill, from the pill, until, they resurrect.
Rewild into the depths of mind, blind, they lust for a love unbound.
Unfound and unforgotten, not lost just tossed, his trash, her cash, from his coins, for her loins,
the cycle ebbs and flows, grows a life who knows, nothing and everything.
A truth untold, a fiction bold, to masses sold, this hot and cold, history.
Peace and war, His store, death’s door, never ends,
multi lens, multiverse, last to first, stuck in reverse.
I am yours and you are mine, and so we’ll shine,
for the stars to dine, for the moon’s signs, for the sun’s shrine,
we’ll die to live and live to die,
lovers aligned just in time,
together passing by,
shooting stars in the sky. 

Costa Rica during COVID (Part 4/4) - Final months of my trip (The TRANSITION Phase)

Here is the last newsletter submission I sent out while away on my Sabbatical. I had gone through the Honeymoon phase, the COMMITMENT phase, now this is the TRANSITION phase, and the first of this series is the INTEGRATION phase. It’s been a wild ride reflecting back on my crazy eat-pray-love trip of a lifetime, but in doing so, it seems like practice/training for what will be a life-changing year in 2022.

With a new love partner, lots of new education and perspective altering experiences from Costa Rica exploration and solo adventuring, I feel primed to completely shift gears, but with elevated preparedness. This preparedness is now coming from a place of lived-in experience and a building roots / future-planning mindset, as opposed to a planting seeds vacation mindset.

I have booked my flight to Costa Rica again, but now am going back to nourish the seeds I have planted and see them grow roots. Photos below are from the newsletter article that reflect parts of my home in Puerto Viejo and memories of home in Toronto that I will have been reunited with in July 2021 in Toronto. This was when Ontario was still in lockdown but had announced opening up from Covid pandemic in August/September.

Check out this last instalment of my Costa Rica trip here
Audio coming soon!

Costa Rica during COVID (Part 3/4) - 3-4 months into my trip! (The COMMITMENT stage)

So this newsletter article is definitely me reflecting as a more seasoned traveler! I’ve gone through the honeymoon phase of being away from home in Toronto and work life, wow’d by the novelty around me, still high on explorer mode, but now settled in one place, slow-traveling sites locally, and feeling hints of homesickness. This phase was very up and down for me because I was pushing new boundaries, supplanting myself into the community in Puerto Viejo, and entering the stage of “how can I up this epic experience?” after having done so much already!?!?

Also, I was living beyond my planned budget of 3-months away, so finances were definitely on my mind at this point of my journey. I had found my people, hustled to find a great place to live in, networked so much locally that I became a recognizable face amongst the locals, and produced work that helped me stay intellectually grounded, but I was peaking.

This is when Ontario and the world was in full blown COVID pandemic lockdown, but vaccinations were being distributed and debated. With this information, I was doing my best to not become engulfed by the news and focus on being present. Many Canadians abroad were going through emotional times due to family struggles, conflicting perspectives, and much uncertainty.

Click here to read the full newsletter article!
Audio version coming soon!